“There are two great days in your life, the day you were born and the day you discover why.”
-William Barclay
I have always been very candid about my chronic drug and alcohol abuse, as well as my childhood obesity and 15 years as a pack-a-day smoker. Many people have asked me “What did you do to turn your life around?” While there is no short answer to that, if I had to pinpoint one thing that completely changed my life in a short period of time if would have to be this: defining my purpose, writing it down and committing it to memory.
So what is your purpose in life? Is it your occupation? Is it being a wife? A husband? A parent?
I believe it’s bigger than all of that.
Now, before you get your Baby Bjorn all out of joint, I know what you're thinking: "What is more important that being a parent!?" I don't think anything is more important than being a parent. In fact, I think it's the most important job you could possibly have. It's just not your whole purpose for being on this Earth. If it was, it would last longer than 18 years. **(Or slightly longer if you have children return home to live in the basement--like my mom did.)
Again, I know what you're thinking: "But Dave, you never stop being a parent!" Yea, yea, I know. But let me ask you this, do you think your parents are still raising you? If you're over 25 I sure as hell hope not. This is what I mean by parenting not being a permanent job. Sure, your kids will always be your kids, and you will never stop caring for them, teaching them, and worrying about them--but the day will come when (gasp) parenting is no longer your main job in life. The only exception to this rule is Michelle Duggar from Arkansas, who has churned out 19 kids so far--with no end in sight! That poor woman has spent more time with her feet in stirrups than the Lone Ranger. But alas, you are not her.
We've all heard of "the empty nest" feeling, the void in our lives when the kids move out or head off to college. But did you know that the route cause of this feeling is more about your loss of purpose--and not just missing the kids? You've spent 18+ years doing a specific job and now that job is no longer necessary. Your children aren't gone forever, but you've lost your identity. And how many times have we heard about the fire chief, head surgeon, or CEO that retires after many years only to feel like their life has lost all of it's meaning? They've become so identified with an external role that they don't know who they are without it. All of this emphasizes the importance of knowing your purpose in life. Without it, we are embarking on a tremendous journey--with no map!!
What is your purpose?
Your purpose should be the great compass of your life, always directing your thoughts, words, and actions towards the things that bring you happiness, fulfillment, and peace of mind. Our occupations and relationships will evolve and change, but your purpose will be a constant through all of it. It will allow you to move forward without being bogged down with indecision and doubt. It’s like your own personal GPS system, and it’s been clinically proven that people who know their purpose are happier, healthier and get more joy out of life.
The first thing for you to do is to ask yourself this very expansive and empowering question:
What would I do with my life if money were no object?
If you’d like to take a minute and get out a piece of paper to write it down, I highly recommend that. The more descriptive you are the better. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
Would you stay at your current job?
Would you pursue, or re-pursue the dreams you had as a child?
What would you change about your life?
The first thing that most of us think to do (if money were no object) is to “quit my job!” or “lay on a beach” or “go see the world!” All of that is peachy, but believe it or not, even these things would get boring after a while. We’re talking about the rest of your life here, and even the laziest people (like myself) will want to be useful and productive in some way. If you just lie on the beach until you're 90 years old you’re going to look like beef jerky in a bathing suit.
If you get stuck on that one question, ask yourself these:
What do I LOVE to do?
What are my unique gifts, talents, or skills?
What am I passionate about?
You should now have a list of things that you love to do, things that you would do even if you didn’t get paid to do them. It doesn’t matter how long the list is. In some cases it might even be better if the list is short, because then you will know for sure what you should be doing with your life.
Here’s the final question: How can I use my unique talents and gifts to better serve others?
Always remember that the core meaning of every job is the same—to serve others. The reason we are compensated is because of the value we bring to the market place, and our level of compensation is determined by two things: how much we help people and how many people we help. When you view your occupation as an opportunity to help others it will open your mind to new possibilities. When you apply your unique talents to the privilege of helping others you will never “work” another day in your life. Your job will become your passion, and your passion will become your job.
Most people hold the belief that their job is the drudgery they must endure just to make it through life. It’s a paycheck, a daily burden, and a badge of honor. They’ve convinced themselves that they must suffer and sacrifice, hoping and praying that the level of compensation will somehow equal the level of suffering. Here’s the most delusional part: at the same time we believe that our jobs are not enjoyable, we also believe we’re “entitled” to them, as if having this curse is our birthright. This collective lie that so many of us buy into is the exact opposite of how we should be viewing our occupations. Instead of a misery that we are entitled to, we should see our jobs as a means of self-expression that we are privileged to have.
So is defining your purpose really important?
Imagine this if you will. You are all set and ready to go on a cross-country trip. You’ve been busy packing the suitcases, loading the car and fueling up. You have your hands on the wheel and your foot on the gas and you’re ready to roll! You then realize that you have no map, no idea where to go and no destination in mind.
That’s how most people live. Stuck in the driveway of life.
That’s why I maintain that it is your right to live your purpose!! Don’t rob the rest of the world of your unique talents and gifts. You owe it to the rest of us to live at your maximum potential. No one on the planet is as qualified to be you as you are, and only you can do the things you do the way you do them. Does it make any sense that you would be born with all of these unique talents, passions and gifts—yet for some reason you are supposed to hide them?
Most of us talk ourselves out of going for our dreams because we don’t think it’s feasible, don’t think it’s possible, or don’t think we deserve it. Nothing could be further from the truth. Doesn’t it make perfect sense that you would be happiest and most productive doing something you LOVE, rather than something you can just barely put up with or can’t stand? Wouldn’t doing something you are passionate about better serve the people you love, the people around you and the planet as a whole?
The reason that I am asking you all of these questions is because they are the questions I asked of myself. Hearing the answers that came from my own heart is what truly changed my life. The voice within never lies, and only you can decide if you are truly happy or not. You may have some confusion, fear, or disempowering core beliefs about who you are and what you are here to do. These need to be addressed so you can stop making excuses and start living your purpose immediately.
The most popular excuse I hear for not doing what you love is “I have a family that I have to take care of, so I can’t just go for my dreams Dave.” Not only is that a weak excuse, but your children learn 20% by what you say, and 80% by what you do. If you are encouraging them to go for their dreams and all they see is their parent stuck in a miserable job, they probably won’t grow up believing that they can actually do it.
“Nothing has more impact on a child than the unlived life of the parent.”
-Carl Jung
You are not doing yourself or your family any favors by settling for mediocrity,
not while you know deep down that life could be so much more fulfilling. There are more opportunities than ever before to follow your bliss, and the time to start doing it is today. Not next year, not next month, not next week—now!
Sidenote: I recently met a guy who wanted to take guitar lessons, but he heard that you had to take them for 4 years to be any good (which isn’t necessarily true, by the way). He decided not to take lessons, and his reason was that “by then I’ll be 50 years old!” Now I’m no math whiz, but according to my calculations he’s going to be 50 years old in 4 years whether he takes guitar lessons or not.
I’m not insinuating that you should quit your current job, tell your boss to "f*** off" and go out dancing in the lily fields. But if you have a passion in your heart, doing even the smallest thing today, if it points you in the direction if your dreams, will be like taking a quantum leap.
Here’s an example: let’s say you are an attorney, but you’ve really always wanted to be a writer. All of the attorneys I know are very busy, so we will assume you are no different. Also, all of the attorneys I know would be in serious financial straights if they quit their job today and started pecking away on the keyboard. But, if you set aside 5 minutes today to sit down and write, just so you start a new habit, you can gradually add to that amount over the course of a few weeks. If all you added was one minute per week, in one year you would be writing for almost an hour a day!
If you could manage to write half a page a day, in one year you would have a 182 page book!
The same goes if you’re an accountant but you want to be a painter, paint for 5 minutes a day. If you sell insurance but you want to be a dancer, dance for 5 minutes a day. Just increase that amount every week (or day) and in no time you will be getting very good at what you love to do. Even if you never reach the point where it becomes your main source of income, it can easily become a major source of joy and happiness in your life. The key is to make it a daily habit.
I believe that your occupation should either be your greatest source of happiness, or at least allow you to engage in that activity as much as possible. If you find yourself in a job that you hate, with no time for anything else, you need to make a change as soon as possible. For every reason you can give me for staying in that job that you hate, I will give you 10 reasons why you should leave. I promise that's a debate you'll lose.
One might assume that my purpose is to be a musician, as I once did. I love playing and writing music, and I would do it for free for as long as I live. But I finally discovered that being a musician is not my purpose, or at least not my entire purpose. Being a musician is an occupation, and my purpose is much bigger than that--and so is yours. It is only when we combine our own unique talents and gifts to serve others that we finally get a clear picture of that our purpose is.
You don’t have to go through the same hell that I went through. Just decide today that you’re tired of living in mediocrity, define what your passion and talents are, and begin showing the rest of the world who you really are and why you are here.
