If you want to smell the roses you have to watch out for the pricks

How to remove the negative people from your life


Jim Rohn once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Ain’t that the truth. If you’re wallowing in a sea of negativity you should look no further for the cause than the circle of people that you’ve chosen to surround yourself with. The operative word here is “chosen,” because it is always up to you to decide who you spend your time with. If they are upbeat, positive, goal oriented people then you are likely to be the same. If they are perpetually negative, always bitching, Debbie Downer type people then guess what? You are destined to become a little Debbie.


Though most people, if you asked them, would prefer not to surround themselves with negative people, it’s not always that simple. You might not even realize how you got there, you just wake up one morning and realize that the people in your life are draining your positive energy and sucking the life out of you. The question is: how to get rid of them without moving to Guam--or hiring a hit man? If you and I can agree that these are not viable options then I will begin.


Let’s look at the three main groups of people you spend your time with: co-workers, friends, and family. We’ll start with your CO-WORKERS. Whether it’s a nasty boss, someone higher up in the company that treats you like a slave, or just an annoying peer, the negative vibe you get from this person must me minimized. The first thing you should ask yourself in this situation is “what can I do here to make my life easier?” This gives you the power to act and puts the ball in your court, instead of sitting around worrying about what someone else might do. Here’s your plan of action:

-If you can do your job effectively without this person around then stay away from them. If confrontation isn’t necessary, avoid it. Make yourself scarce.

-If you need to interact with them occasionally then go into it with a positive attitude. Over time, this will tend to neutralize their negativity.

-If you must work with this person on a daily basis and you can’t take their attitude anymore, you’re going to have to address it. Tell them that your working relationship (as well as your work) could greatly improve if you clear the air and come to a mutual respect and understanding.

-If all of this fails, get a new job. Life is too precious and brief to spend the bulk of it being miserable.



***But what if you’re the boss and you’re dealing with negative employees? Easy. Fire them. Okay? Moving on…


The next group is your FRIENDS. This might sound a bit tricky because, after all, they’re your friends. Let’s make this clear: eliminating negative people from your life does not mean giving up on your friends when they’re going through a rough time or when they ask you to help them solve a problem. To the contrary, this is when we need our friends the most. It’s also not your job to tell your friend all the ways that they might be dragging you down, while you are striving to better yourself and “get rid of the drama.” This will only cause resentment, and will probably make you an enemy, and this is NOT YOUR GOAL. Your goal is to make your own life easier, and pissing off your friends isn’t the way to do it. Try to resist judgment, and realize that you and your friend may just be on different wavelengths temporarily, and it doesn’t have to be anyone’s fault. If it’s ever to return to a healthy friendship, you both might need to step back and take some personal inventory.

Let me share an example of what happened to me. Back in my drinking and drugging days it became readily apparent that I would have to change the people, places, and things in my life if I was ever going to straighten out. The scariest part was leaving my friends behind because most of them were great people. It just wasn’t healthy for me to be surrounded by the partying crowd anymore. The thought of being without my friends was my biggest obstacle to getting sober—but something amazing happened. Yes, some of my friends disappeared from my life and we’ve barely spoken since. But my real friends, the friends that loved me for more than just my drinking and drugging have stayed by me to this day, and we have a much stronger friendship because of it.


-If you’re very close to this friend then your friendship should be strong enough to discuss the issue. If you feel like the negativity is getting to be too much but you still want this person in your life—you need to communicate. Listen to them and they will listen to you.

-If this person is a friend but not someone you see all the time, you may just have to be less available. It’s your call whether to bring up the issue or just stay away. It depends on how much you care about this person.

-Finally, if it’s an acquaintance or a “friend of a friend” that’s driving you nuts—remove them from your life completely. Again, this does not require a lot of fan fare. Explaining to everyone how you can’t stand this person will only make you look petty. Just stop going where they go and being where they are. It’s that simple.




Now, the toughest one for most people—your FAMILY. We all know that “you can choose your friends but not your family.” Family issues can be very painful, and the thought of being tied to this person for eternity can be depressing. If you feel like someone in your family is bringing you down it still may be impossible to completely remove this person from your life, but generally, the same rules apply here that apply to co-workers and friends:

-If it’s someone of great importance to you, communicate your feelings. Put it all out on the table so at least they know how you feel. Only then can you figure out a way to move forward. You have to stop the bleeding before the wound can heal.

-If it’s someone you see occasionally, bring it up or make yourself scarce. This is your judgment call. If you think communication will make it better, talk to this person honestly. If it’s not worth the trouble, make like Jimmy Hoffa and vanish.

-If it’s someone that you hardly see then decide to make the most of it, or decide not to see them at all. Don’t make a mental monster out of it, just make a decision and move on.


Last but not least I would like to share my favorite method for eliminating the negativity in your life: start hanging around positive, motivated, healthy, loving, successful people! People that you admire, people that you could learn from, people that inspire you and people that are doing what you want to do. Usually the best way to eliminate something is to add the opposite, so to eliminate the negative just fill yourself up with the positive—it’s like magic. There will be no room left in your life for negativity.

Focusing on what you want instead of want you don’t want is always the way to go. It’s much better to focus on being fit instead of “not being fat,” much better to think about being prosperous than “not being poor,” and better to see yourself surrounded by positive people instead of just eliminating all the negative ones. You’ll notice that the more you focus on positive things in your life that the bad stuff just seems to fall away. Focus on being happy and everything you are grateful for, and in no time you’ll be surrounded by people who feel the same way. It works every time.

Valentine’s vs St Patrick’s: why love is always better than a DWI

Last week I blogged about how lame it is that Monday gets a bad rap and Friday gets all the kudos. I know that many people are just as cynical about Valentine’s Day, but I’m here to tell you it doesn’t have to be that way. I often hear things like “It’s a commercial holiday created by the card companies!” or “I don’t need to buy chocolate and hearts to prove my love!” Okay, I get it. But is there really a need to have such disdain for a holiday that celebrates love? Have we become that jaded?


Maybe you’re thinking, “of course you like Valentine’s Day Dave, you’re married!” That’s true, but I haven’t been married my whole life, and I’ve spent quite a few Valentine’s Days alone. There’s just a huge difference between being alone and being “lonely.” Also, I know lots of single people who have a better attitude toward Valentine’s Day than their coupled counterparts, so it’s not just about “being with someone.” It’s all about what you make it.


Contrary to popular belief, Valentine’s Day was not invented by Hershey’s or Hallmark to drive guilt into your soul and empty your wallet. It’s been around since the 5^th century, long before anyone even heard of a greeting card. It’s only now, in the 21^st century, that we choose to dis our holidays like Christmas, Halloween and Valentine’s Day and blame it all on that old devil commercialism. If you don’t celebrate them that’s fine, but does resenting them serve any real purpose? I think we both know the answer to that.


Now let’s examine St. Patrick’s Day. It’s funny how you never hear people accusing Guiness, Budweiser, or their local pubs of commercialism. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy St Patty’s Day because, even as a non-drinker, I revel in the upbeat mood of the day; not to mention the fact that I’m part Irish. But let’s face it, it’s a holiday that’s centered around getting drunk and…well, that’s about it. Oh yea, I almost forgot, if you’re getting hammered you should also be wearing green somewhere on your person. Maybe it’s about luck too? This is fitting, because in most cases you will need the “luck of the Irish” to drive home without getting pulled over or hitting an Oak tree.







Again, I really enjoy St.Patricks Day (especially when people who have been drinking since 10am trip over my microphone stand and spit green beer in my face with their nasty corned beef and cabbage breath while requesting Irish drinking songs…but I digress), I’m just pointing out the fact that we seem to be much more welcoming to a holiday that celebrates getting wasted than a holiday that celebrates love. Anyone else see that as a red flag?


At the end of the day ALL holidays are exactly what you make them, and if they anger or upset you in any way then it’s time to do some personal inventory. It’s not indicative of the holiday or the companies that profit from them, it’s a reflection on you. Hallmark and Hershey’s aren’t holding a gun to your head and making you buy anything, so you are always free to choose how much you celebrate the holiday. If you choose not to celebrate the holiday, that’s fine too, but why not just feel happy for the people that do?



Happy Valentine’s Day and Happy St Patrick’s day to all of you! I hope you enjoy these grade B holidays and make the most out of them--whether you’re in love, or just sh*t faced!

TGIF? WTF!?

“Thank God it’s Friday!” It’s a saying that is so entrenched into our popular culture that they even named a freaking restaurant after it! When you hear it, you have probably been conditioned to feel all googly inside just thinking about the weekend and all the wonderful, magical things you’ll do. You have suffered through a horrible Monday, you made it past hump day, you struggled on Thursday but you finally arrived at your destination: Friday! Yippee! These four words may seem completely harmless, but let me prove to you what a harmful statement TGIF can be:


First of all, “TGIF” implies that you’ve suffered all week long. Let’s be honest, the look on someone’s face when they say “Thank God it’s Friday” is usually one of tortured relief. It also indicates that the rest of your week was just a means to an end, and that the other four weekdays are nothing but a treacherous obstacle course on your way to Friday. It also implies that the day at the opposite end of the spectrum is miserable: Monday. By saying “TGIF” you start every Monday with the attitude that this day is going to suck--no matter what you do. (You even start wallowing in how bad it’s going be on Sunday night!) But even when your beloved “ TGIF” comes around again, that only gives you 48 hours until you must suffer the drudgery of Monday once more, and the endless cycle repeats itself week after week, month after month, year after year.

Let’s examine this a little closer: the reason Monday is perceived as the worst day of the week is only because it’s the first day of the work week. By itself, Monday is nothing to be frightened of. It’s not the boogey man, it doesn’t have claws or gnashing teeth; nor does it have any more hours in it than any other day of the week. The only strike Monday might have against it is that you need to play catch up because you were busy Friday daydreaming about your totally rad weekend and ignoring your work while running around exclaiming “TGIF!!” to everyone you meet. Why should Monday get a bad rap just because Friday decides to put off all the important sh*t!!?


“TGIF” is the battle cry for the boring and the repetitive. It’s a clear indication that you’ve chosen to be a passenger in life and not the driver. If you feel like being stuck on an endless treadmill of unfulfilled dreams, looking forward to one measly day a week, and repeating this process every seven days then you should make it your mantra. Otherwise, change your thoughts immediately about how you see each day, because each day has an equal opportunity to be the best day of your life. Somehow we have conditioned ourselves to feel and act differently depending on what day of the week it is. If this was serving us, I wouldn’t have a problem with it, but in most cases it isn’t.

Why can’t a Monday be just as good as a Friday? If you make a commitment to turning the days that you don’t like into days that you love, it just may turn your whole life around. Think about your least favorite day of the week. Do something to ease the pain on that day to change how you feel about it. If you can’t make your workload any lighter or your day any easier, reward yourself at the end of the day for a job well done, and do that every week. Treat yourself to a nice meal, a good workout, a long meditation or a massage. This will quickly change your dread to joy when that day approaches.

Now imagine this for a second if you can: there are no days of the week. No beginning, no end, no weekdays or weekends. Everyone works different days depending on their job, (which is increasingly prevalent by the way) and no day feels better or worse than the last. Days are numbered but not named. Does that change at all the way you would see your days? Hopefully it does, though I’m sure some yahoo will still say “Thank God it’s #7!”

I’ve created a list of some more popular but destructive quips that are ingrained into our daily dialogue. There are many more, but these are some of the most common. I’ve also added an alternative to each of these sayings. Feel the difference in your attitude when you repeat the latter instead of the former:


“Thank God it’s Friday!”
“Thank God for today!”
(Be glad you woke up breathing, not everyone did)

“That’s just my luck.”
“I make great things happen!”
(Yes, I believe in luck. I believe that we make our own)

“I’m my own worst critic.”
“I am my own best coach.”
(If you’re not a fan of you, who will be?)



“Life’s a bitch and then you die.”
“Life is magnificent!”
It’s a miracle that you’re here. You better recognize.


“Whoever dies with the most toys wins.”
“Whoever lives with the most joy wins!”
Forbes should have a list of the Top 500 Happiest people.

“I expect the worst to happen, that way, when something good happens—it’s a surprise!”
“I expect great things to happen, and on the rare occasion that they don’t, I ask myself “what can I learn from this?”
Did Michael Jordan expect the worst to happen? Does Tom Brady? Do Olympic athletes?
They expect to win. It doesn’t mean that they always do, but they do A LOT more often than not.

“When I’m not at work, I don’t even think about it.”
“I’m always thinking about ways to improve my talents!”
Being you is a 24-7 job, and there are ALWAYS ways to improve yourself. Make it a hobby.

“…Must be nice.”
“Good for you!”
Being truly happy for someone else is one of the greatest joys there is.

“We need to help our own before we help anyone else.”
“We can help others while helping ourselves.”
We’ll never be perfect. Should this mean we can’t help others until we are?


You might think I’m splitting hairs here, but one look at my head will tell you that I’m ill equipped to do that. What we tell ourselves about our lives becomes our reality. If we don’t closely examine what we say on a daily basis and observe how it impacts us we will keep repeating the same mistakes. So enjoy this Friday, but don’t make Monday the red-headed step child of the week. The amount of joy you have on any give day, month, year, or lifetime is not pre-determined. At any given moment it is up to you to take control and decide to make the day a good one. Stop believing that someone else is behind the curtain making it all happen. Who knows, the day might be right around the corner when we can discuss how joyously prosperous you’ve become over appetizers at “TGI Mondays?” I’m buying.