Do You Need A Good Kick in the Ask?

Do You Need A Good Kick in the Ask?


The purpose of this particular blog is to get you to fully understand the simple yet indomitable power of asking questions. It will also demonstrate that the most important questions that we can ask are those that we ask ourselves. The human brain is the world’s greatest super computer, capable of conquering wondrous feats, and it’s programmed to start working immediately on any task we give it. If we keep a certain question in mind, it is tediously striving towards an answer. The problem with most of us is that we either ask the wrong question, we give up on the question, or we don’t ask at all. Inevitably, the results of our life become a stark reflection of this habit.

So what is a good question you ask? Good question. And here is the answer: ask questions that will lead you to an answer that promotes personal progress. Usually these are “what if” or “how,” questions. For example: “How can I eat better?” or “What if I invested $100 a month?” You may have already noticed that your brain is coming up with answers to these questions, and right this very minute you’re imagining eating well and counting your extensive earnings. If so, you have just experienced the genius of asking empowering questions.

The trick is to stay away from disempowering questions. These are questions that usually (but not always) begin with the word “why.” Most people are constantly asking themselves subconscious questions like “Why am I fat?” or “Why am I broke?” The brain is more than happy to oblige them with an answer, but unfortunately those answers will sound something like “because you’re lazy” and “because you’re stupid.” If you are not enlightened or empowered by the answer to your question, you’ll know right away you are on the wrong track. Try asking it again, but phrasing it differently, until you get an answer that inspires and uplifts you.

This is not to say that all “why” questions are bad, and that all “what if” questions are good. You could ask yourself, “why is my spouse so freakin’ awesome!?” and hopefully you will be flooded with positive answers. That would be a good example of a “why” question that leads to sublime answers. If you’d like to take a moment and share your answers with your spouse you may get some major brownie points in the process. In this case, you are not only asking great questions, but you are using the answers to better your life and the lives of your loved ones, and that’s where the real power lies.

Conversely, let’s say you are headed to a job interview, and you’re feeling nervous about the outcome. You may ask yourself something like “what if I screw this up and say the wrong thing?” This is a bad example of a “what if” question, one that will lead you to negative answers, disempowering thoughts, and a lack of confidence. The true test of a good question is how it makes you feel when you get the answer. If it inspires and uplifts you, congratulate yourself, you have asked an excellent question.

Becoming more conscious of the questions that you ask yourself is a huge step in the right direction. Most of our questions are asked subconsciously, and therefore they are answered in the same way--without thinking! If you will take notice of some of the questions you’ve been asking yourself, that’s the quickest way to develop some new liberating habits. Good questions unlock the secret doors to all that we truly want in life, and they make you aware of the personal power that you’ve always had. All you’ve ever had to do was ask!

Most of us walk around all day on auto-pilot, thinking that life just happens to us and that we have very little control of our outcomes. This is simply not true. Ultimately we are the architects of our own lives. We need to engage our brains and let them do the job they were designed to do. We all have a super computer at our disposal, locked safely in our heads, just begging to be put into action. It’s a shame that so many of us go through life with just the screen saver up.

When you were a small child you probably had no problem asking questions. You lived in a big world of magic, mystery and endless possibilities, and you wanted to know the answers to your biggest questions. Each answer brought you mental growth and expansion, and you realized that there is true power in asking, with no question being too small or too large. As we get older, the fear of looking foolish or appearing ignorant is usually enough to stop us from asking the truly grand questions.

As adults, we may chuckle at the questions asked children. For example, a friend of mine has a three year old daughter who casually asked, “Mommy, who is God’s daddy?” As funny as that sounds, that is a great example of a colossal question, and who besides a small child would have enough guts to ask it? We could all learn something by listening to children, and chipping away at the years of our own negative conditioning by asking questions that will stretch our minds and our lives. I don’t think anyone knows who God’s daddy is, but we could certainly expand our minds just contemplating it for a minute.

Asking big questions is nothing new, and history is filled with famous men and women who started by asking questions. Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison owe their greatest achievements to the simple art of asking questions. Sometimes their answers would lead to hundreds or even thousands of other questions, but each time they got an answer, they moved one step closer to achieving something miraculous. They had both mastered the skill of asking great questions and receiving great answers.

I don't believe that anyone is a genius, but I believe we can access genius by asking questions. We have the same access to the field of intelligence that Einstein and Edison had, we just need to be as determined and persistent as they were. Not an easy feat, but it should be comforting to know that you don't have to be born a genius to get genius results--just start asking genius questions. The more questions you ask the better your questions will be, and the answers you receive will begin to blow your mind!

Here's one of my favorite questions, try it for yourself: what would I do with my life if money were no object?



Did you get a little rush? A hint of excitement? A little twinge of enthusiasm?

Here is a short list of empowering questions to ask yourself:

1) What am I most passionate about?

2) How could I make it my profession?

3) How can I best contribute to the planet while I’m here?

4) What is standing in my way?

5) How can I overcome this obstacle?

6) How do I want to be remembered?

7) What are my values?

8) Who are my heroes? How can I be more like them?

9) What makes me the happiest?

10) What is my full potential?

Now ask this:

11)How can I get started?

The Football Fan’s Guide to Inner Peace

“If your biggest worry is a football game, that’s a pretty good indication that there’s not much left in your life to bitch about.”


I’ve had anxiety my entire life, or at least as long as I can remember. I used to get random stomachaches as a grade school kid that my parents and doctor had no explanation for. It’s only now, at age 40, that I am able to look back and see that it was anxiety. This eventually lead to overeating, smoking, alcohol and drug abuse. The root cause of this anxiety is something that I’m still trying to piece together, but throughout the years the one constant source of heightened stress that I can easily point the finger at is sports--and more specifically…FOOTBALL.

Just so we’re clear on this, it has nothing to do with me actually playing sports, oh no. It has much more to do with my mindless dedication as a red blooded, true blue, all American sports fan—and the agony of defeat that goes with it. It may have all started on October 17th 1979 when, as a bright eyed nine year old, my beloved Baltimore Orioles took a 3 games to 1 lead over the “We Are Family” Pittsburgh Pirates, only to blow it in 7 games and break my little prepubescent heart in the process. The devastation was compounded on March 29th 1984, when team owner, and raving lunatic, Robert Irsay packed up my Baltimore Colts in the middle of one snowy night, and, with his tail between his cowardly legs, moved them out to Indianapolis. Some kids are scared of clowns. I grew up scared of Mayflower trucks and Sister Sledge.


Luckily for me, and the rest of Baltimore, a knight in shining armor arrived just in time—Cal Ripken Jr. He won rookie of the year in 1982, and then was awarded the American League’s Most Valuable Player award while leading the Orioles to a World Championship in 1983. It seemed that brighter days were ahead, and even without a football team, Baltimore was undaunted. We knew the World Series rings would start piling up, and that we could look forward to a decade or two of dominance in major league baseball—or at least that’s what we thought. 20 years later Cal would retire as baseball’s Iron Man and a hero to any local kid that grew up during his career—but as for more rings? No joy in Mudville.









Then in the late 90s, at roughly the same time the Orioles suffered two painful playoff defeats at the hands of the Indians and the Yankees--a miracle happened! Football was returning to Baltimore, and the Ravens (formerly the Cleveland Browns) were on their way! Now, one might wonder how we could rejoice so fervently when Cleveland’s team was being taken from them and it had just happened to us a few years earlier. I think I can safely speak for all Baltimore fans in saying that we felt for them, but we also felt confident that a team would return to Cleveland, and that the long and storied history of the Browns would be restored to it’s original state. Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing I’ll leave up to Cleveland fans to decide.


Then a bigger miracle happened: In the year 2000, in only their fourth year of existence, the Baltimore Ravens won the Super Bowl! For the first time in 17 years the city had a world champion, and once again the streets were filled with pride for a championship parade. Surely this would mark the beginning of a new era of Baltimore dominance in major sports, making cities like New York, Boston, and Pittsburgh green with envy over Charm City’s mighty regime. Uh…not so fast Hon. The only thing it’s marked the beginning of is a new level of anxiety for me, one that I never knew existed. It’s made me take a deep, hard look at myself--but in the process, I’ve uncovered some amazing answers to some very tough questions. The two most notable being “why the f*** do I do this to myself every season!?” and “where the f*** does it end!?” The answers may surprise you. J


First, let me add that I am by no means an ungrateful Baltimore fan. To the contrary, I realize how lucky I am to have experienced 3 major championships in my lifetime when there are plenty of fans in America who have never experienced their team winning it all. (What was the third championship, you ask? The Baltimore Colts defeated the Dallas Cowboys 16-13 to win Super Bowl V when I was 7 months old. I’ll never forget it.) My heart goes out to Chicago Cubs fans, Buffalo Bills fans, Detroit Lions fans, and even Cleveland Browns fans. I can’t even begin to imagine what this must be like. I can only surmise that a little piece of you dies every year when it becomes obvious (halfway through the season) that yet another year will go by without a world championship. But maybe, just maybe, you don’t have it so bad. Let me explain:


What causes sports anxiety? Is it losing? Nope, can’t be. How do I know this?
Because if losing were the main cause of sports anxiety, every last Oriole fan, myself included, would have dropped dead over the last 10 years of a massive coronary. So what is the cause? In a word: expectations. The more we expect our team to win and the more they don’t, the higher our levels of damaging stress and anxiety. To prove this, I did a clinical study on 100 of my closest Redskin fan friends. I concluded that if Daniel Snyder doesn’t do something quickly, then his health, and the health and of the entire Redskin nation is in jeopardy--albeit for two different reasons.


For me, writing this blog comes on the heels of a gut wrenching defeat of the Ravens by our most hated rival, the Pittsburgh Steelers. In fact, this blog was inspired by this defeat. We watched with joy as our Ravens took a commanding 21-7 halftime lead, only to acquiesce to the Steelers (a polite way of saying “sh*t the bed”) in the second half and lose the game 31-24. To make matters worse, it’s the second time in three years the Ravens have been eliminated from the playoffs by the Steelers--while a year ago we were eliminated by the (almost-as-hated) Indianapolis Colts. I compare the last three football seasons to getting repeatedly run over by a Mayflower truck while being forced to listen to Sister Sledge on my Ipod.


Again, most teams would be happy just to make the playoffs so I really can’t complain, but this drives home the fact that “expectations” are the main cause of sports anxiety. In other words, if you don’t get your hopes up, they can’t be dashed on the rocks of despair. There’s the rub. What makes being a sports fan so much fun is putting yourself out there, talking trash, and making your team an extension of everything that you are. You buy the bumper stickers, you buy the tickets, you wear the jersey. They represent you, they embody you—they ARE YOU!! This is a wonderful thing, because these are highly skilled professional athletes who are in top physical condition—while you recently threw out your back bringing in the groceries.


For those of you, like me, who refuse to give up the hope of a championship season, I’ve come up with a guide to help ease some of the tension and anxiety when your team decides to betray you—and trust me, they will. I’ve combined some Western thought with some traditional Eastern philosophies (like the Tao te Ching, Bhagavad Gita and Zen Buddhism) to give you what I call “Wide Right Zen.” “Wide Right” is a tribute to kicker Scott Norwood and his heartbreaking missed field goal that cost the Buffalo Bills a Super Bowl victory. I can’t think of a bigger example of expectations causing sports anxiety (unless of course you consider the Bills lost the next three Super Bowls in a row. Yikes!) Through many years of healing, prayer, and unconditional love, the Bills fans actually learned to forgive Scott Norwood—though they still playfully refer to him as “Nott Scorwood.”



If you’re watching playoff football this weekend, and more importantly, if your favorite team is still in it, you will find this guide very helpful when the game is about to begin:







1) Find a comfortable spot on the floor where you can sit indian style or in the lotus position, as in yoga. With the back of your hands on your knees,
and your palms up, touch your thumb to your middle finger.
(Now, if you are a typical football fan and not very flexible, you may modify this position: simply sit up on the couch and dust the Cheeto crumbs off of your chest.)

2) Close your eyes and inhale deeply.
Conscious breathing is an ancient art form, and revered by those in the Far East. Unlike American football fans who typically view “inhaling” as something you do with Buffalo wings or a pipe made out of a Budweiser can.

3) Exhale and repeat after me: “It’s only a game, it does not define who I am.”
It is very important to keep this in mind as you sit there with your jersey and team colors on, in the TV room painted the same colors, with a tattoo of their logo on your left ass cheek.

4) Enter a state of great relaxation.
If the game is just starting you may have to turn down Dan Dierdorf, whose voice is about as relaxing as the sound of a water buffalo getting boofed.


5) Now, enter a state where pro football has no meaning.
No, not Arkansas. Idiot.

6) See yourself as anxiety free, let all your troubles and worries drift away.
Forget about that $100 bet you made at work with that a**hole in accounting.


7) As kickoff approaches, realize that the outcome of this game has no tangible meaning to you.
At least not if your team covers the spread.


8) Gently open your eyes, and acknowledge how foolish it is—it’s just a game.
Forget about your face paint and the hat your wearing that holds two beer cans.


9) When the game is over, and your team has lost, bless the other team for their hard work and sacrifice, as well as being victorious. This will defuse your anger.
Make sure that your blessing does not include the word “suck” or any other word with a “ck” in it. And finally…


10) Cultivate a deep feeling of gratitude for everything else that life has to offer:
The warmth of the Sun, the gentle Earth, the laughter of a child, the birds and the bees. Would the birds and the bees ever let you down? Never. (Or at least those little bastards wouldn’t blow a 14 point second half lead by turning the ball over 3 freaking times!)

If your favorite team sucks, be grateful. It’s all about expectations. Like I said, the Orioles haven’t caused me any stress since 1997 because I EXPECT them to suck. All Buck Showalter has to do is get them to .500 this year I will do cartwheels down Eutaw Street wearing nothing but a black and orange pickle bender. The Ravens, on the other hand, are killing me. I’ve come to expect them to be good, and therefore my stress level has increased every year since 2000. If they win it all, will that make my stress level decrease? No way. Just ask a Steelers fan, whose team has won two Super Bowls in recent memory, but can’t stop salivating at the thought of winning number 7---then 8,9,10…if they could only count that high. (Had to get at least one dig in)

Where does it end? It doesn’t. One hundred years from now, in the year 2111, Detroit Lions fans might be bragging how they have 32 Super Bowl rings, and that Cleveland Browns only have 30. Meanwhile, the football team that was in Pittsburgh moved out in the middle of the night to Arkansas and became the “Little Rock Steelers,” never getting more than 6 Super Bowl titles, and having an average attendance of 487 rabid Arkansawyers (trust me, I Googled it) who have long since turned in their terrible towels for “terrible spit cups.” Sure, this is a bit far fetched, but I can dream--can’t I!?


So heed my warning football fans: be grateful if you’re team sucks, and relax if your team is great. We’re only here for a short while, and If your biggest worry is a football game, that’s a pretty good indication that there’s not much left in your life to bitch about. At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself all week.

Top 11 People Who Never Bitch(ed)

Since I just started this Done Bitching blog, I thought it would be a good idea to exemplify the spirit of Done Bitching by giving you a Top 11 list of people that never bitch, or more appropriately (since most of them are no longer with us) never "bitched." This will give you a good idea of what Done Bitching is all about, and why I think it is so important to celebrate the beauty and grandeur of this life with gratitude and eloquence--and stop complaining all the time like a bunch of damn wusses! The reason I chose 11 is because a)11 is a cosmically charged number of great spiritual significance and b)Top 10 lists are for boring, regular, mediocre people--aka complainers!

These 11 people come from all walks of life--all races, colors, and creeds. In most cases, the only thing that they have in common is the one golden thread that was somehow woven into each of them at birth--they never bitched. I have to add that while I did receive some much appreciated feedback from my Facebook friends, this is MY list. So on the outside chance that you disagree with any of my choices: don't bitch, make your own list.

While it saddens me that I had to bestow the grand honor of making my list to 8 of these 11 recipients posthumously, it gives me great joy to know that their spirit will live on in this blog. This is further proof that the art of "non bitching" is a timeless craft that has transcended the millenia and will live on forever, as long as we protect and nurture it. With that said, let's begin the list with a famously resurgent non-bitcher who is still with us:


#11. Chuck Norris
I knew that if I didn't include Chuck on the list that I would get a ton of nasty emails from action hero fans, cyber geeks, and Total Gym owners alike. I just hope Chuck doesn't feel so slighted about winding up at #11 that he decides to give me a round house kick to the face.
In our modern day world, "Chuckisms" have become a nationwide symbol of how important it is for Americans to have heroes, as well as our need to pass the time at work by making up stupid crap on the internet.
Though it's been said that "Chuck doesn't flush the toilet, he just scares the shit out of it," or "Steroids once tested positive for Chuck Norris," I just see him as a regular guy, and I'm glad to have him as one of the few living members of this Top 11 list. Though I did hear a rumor that Chuck died 20 years ago, it's just that death hasn't built up enough courage to tell him yet.



#10. Gandhi (1869-1948)

Here's a guy who weighed "a buck 0-2," and this would be before he went on a two week fast to protest the tyranny of the British troops against his Indian people. He also employed the method of civil disobedience to gain millions of Indians their freedom, which in turn inspired a young Martin Luther King (who also could have made this list) to do the same here in America. Civil disobedience is a fancy way of saying, "We're done bitching, but we're not going to do what you tell us to do."
Gandhi dedicated his life to truth, non-violence, and the end of useless mamby-pambyism. He once said, ""When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall — think of it, always." He was assassinated in 1948 by Nathuram Godse, a religious extremist, and no doubt a whiny little biotch.







#9 and #8. Christopher (1952-2004) and Dana Reeve (1961-2006)

Did anyone ever bitch LESS than these two!? I think not. From Christopher's unrelenting optimism in the face of total paralysis, to their combined efforts in spinal chord injury research, to Dana's battle with lung cancer---neither of them complained a bit til the day they died. They redefined what it means to look at the glass half full. Superman was a pansy compared to the real man that Christopher Reeves was, and if anyone was the "woman of steel" it was Dana. My heart goes out to their surviving children, but I have no doubt that they possess some amazing DNA.



#7. Cal Ripken Jr.



Though it would have been very easy to make my childhood hero #1 on the list, I'm trying to be as fair an unbiased as possible. That being said, no one with a fully functional frontal lobe can deny that he belongs on the list. This guy NEVER complained. He just went out and did his job for a record breaking 2,632 games until he finally decided to take himself out of the lineup.
Sure, you could make the case that Brett Favre's streak is equally impressive, especially because it's football, but to say that Brett "never bitched" would be a bit of a stretch. (Also, to the best of my knowledge, Cal never sent photos of his junk to a large breasted staffer. This definitely boded well for him as I compiled the data for this list.)
I was fortunate enough to attend the game on September 6th, 1995--when Cal broke Lou Gehrig's record and even hit a home run for Baltimore's faithful. They issued a special commemorative ticket that night, and by the grace of God I was lucky enough to have Cal sign it! One day when my son is old enough to appreciate what sports, dedication, and sacrifice is all about, I will give him the chance to watch me sell that ticket on Ebay for a nice chunk of change.



#6. Viktor Frankl (1905-1997)

Viktor Frankl was a Jewish-Austrian psychiatrist, and while he may not be the most well known person on my list, he is certainly well deserving (and I'm sure it's the highlight of his afterlife). He spent three years in Nazi concentration camps, including Auschwitz, where his wife and most of his family were murdered during the holocaust. Once liberated in 1945, he went on to write "Man's Search for Meaning," a landmark book about how to find meaning (and not bitch) in even the most terrible conditions--be they physical or mental.
One day, while being escorted from one building to another at Auschwitz (and unsure if this would be his last walk) he began to contemplate his wife as he last saw her, and had this thought: “a man who has nothing left in the world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved.” Think about this the next time your spouse leaves the cap off of the toothpaste.



#5. Pat Tillman (1976-2004)



This guy is a TRUE American hero. In the modern world where high paid professional athletes are notorious for bitching, moaning, and complaining (See: Terrell Owens), Pat Tillman made a decision that puts him in a class by himself. He chose to go to war and defend our country and leave behind a high paying job in the NFL as a safety for the Arizona Cardinals. A decision that would eventually cost him his life.
Can you imagine Terrell Owens or Albert Haynesworth doing this? (BTW, I'm ROTFLMMFAOLOLOMG!!) Albert can't even be trusted to show up for practice, and T.O. pisses and moans so much that you'd think he contracted something in Tijuana. Big ups and mad props to you Pat. You are a bigger man than all of us, and you're exactly what this list and this blog is all about.



#4. Buddha (563 BC-483 BC)



When I was a kid I used to think that this was just some made-up weird guy that other weird guys with bald heads and robes bowed and prayed to. Turns out he was a real person, and never claimed to have any magic powers, other than the fact that he didn't bitch about anything. In fact, by the time he died at age 80, he was even able to keep those little voices in his head silent. You know the ones I'm talking about--the voices that bitch about everything!? Of course you do. Another name for silencing those voices (the ego) and getting to the truth about who we really are is "enlightenment," and Buddha had it down. Wouldn't that be a nice trick?
One of my favorite quotes from Buddha is, "It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell." Makes sense to me.
Did you know you could be a Buddhist and still be a Christian? Or any other religion, or no religion at all? Do yourself a favor and research Buddha and Buddhism (and by research I mean: Google it!). It's been around for 2500 years and it still makes sense today, maybe now more than ever. I was pretty ignorant when I was younger, but now that I'm older I've actually become one of those weird bald guys that really digs him (without the robes).


#3. Helen Keller (1880-1968)

Oh sure, we all grew up with the jokes about how her hands were purple because she "heard it through the grapevine" or how she burned them "trying to read the waffle iron," but guess what--Helen had the last laugh! Helen Keller was blind and deaf, yet somehow managed to accomplish more in one lifetime than most people with 5 senses will ever dream of. She is known for saying, "Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content." And yes, she actually said that, not "mmmwawsheflaaagwaaaa."
If Helen never had a reason to bitch, then neither do you. It's well documented that she never bitched, and it's not just because she "wore mittens" or was busy "reading the stucco walls." Before you tell another Truly Tasteless Helen Keller joke (does anyone still do that?), make sure you've done more with your life than she did. Otherwise, the joke's on you baby!



#2. Nelson Mandela



As an anti-apartheid activist in South Africa in 1962, Nelson Mandela was sentenced to life and spent 27 years in a Robben Island prison until his liberation in 1990. While attending a celebration banquet after his release, Mandela even invited some of his captors to attend, including guards that had beaten him while he was incarcerated. And you get pissed at telemarketers when they call!?
Mandela once said, "Holding on to resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies." This attitude, as well as his fight for ALL human rights is what makes him a Done Bitching All-Star. The next time you're mad at your boss, your gossiping co-workers, the rush hour traffic, or the acne faced kid who's taking your order way too slowly at Hardees--think of Nelson. He had 27 years to wallow in anger and plot his revenge, but instead, all he did was use that time to think of new ways to love all human beings.


#1. Fred McFeely Rogers (1928-2003)



This man needs no introduction. If you grew up in the 70s, 80s, or 90s--Mr Rogers was the freakin man! Who can forget that sweater? Those sneaks? That soft spoken voice, that cheerful smile and they way it felt like he was actually talking to YOU!? This guy not only never bitched, I believe he was physically incapable of bitching. I must admit, before I wrote this blog I had no idea that his middle name was "McFeely." But Duh! What else could it have been!? (I didn't make that up, that's his real middle name).
In 2002, President George Bush awarded Mr Rogers the Presidential Medal of Freedom, America's highest civilian honor (and pretty darn smart for 'ol George). At one point there was a rumor that Mr. Rogers had been a Marine sharpshooter and had 150 confirmed "kills" during the Vietnam War. This turned out to be just rumor, and thank goodness. I prefer not to picture Fred on the top of some dillapitated building in Saigon with a sniper rifle, sweater, and sneaks putting a bullet through some Vietcong's temple at 200 yards while whispering "Won't You Be My Neighbor?"
Mr. Rogers is not just #1 on my list, he is the very symbol, mascot, and poster child for Done Bitching. In conclusion, here is one of his quotes that sums it all up for me:

"When I say it's you I like, I'm talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch. That deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war, and justice that proves more powerful than greed."

That's some deep shit Fred.

Be Grateful til You're Dead

The secret to a happy life is that there is no secret. It all starts with gratitude. At any given moment we are able to choose what we focus our attention on. If we choose to focus on all of the things that are missing from our lives we will feel empty. If we choose to focus on all of the things we’ve done wrong we will feel guilty or unworthy. If we choose to focus on all the obstacles in our way we will feel defeated. Fortunately, we can choose to focus on all the reasons we are blessed.

Not feeling very blessed these days? Let me put it into perspective for you:

You were once a tiny little sperm, swimming your little heart out in a sea of optimism. Your objective: to out-swim all the other sperm and become the one and only sperm that would fertilize the egg. Your main obstacle: there was 200 million eager sperm trying to beat you out! The field you were running in was 5000 times as big as the Boston Marathon, and yet you had the belief in yourself that you would be the only one to get the job done. You stayed completely focused the grand prize, to achieve the miracle of life, to be thrust out of the darkness and into the light, and to enjoy a lifetime as an ever growing, always evolving human being. The miracle of all miracles!

….and guess what!? You won!! You were no ordinary swimmer, you were like the Michael Phelps of sperm, minus the bong hits. The chances of you winning carried roughly the same odds of you winning Power Ball and Dancing With the Stars at the same time, but you did it!! And then…you became you. You stepped out into the light to enjoy everything this life has to offer: love, family, friends, music, art, food, dancing, laughing, nature, animals, sunshine, moonlight, and earth, wind, and fire (yes, the band). And so it was. You were granted all of these things, and so much more. Infinitely more.

Still not feeling blessed?


By focusing on all that we are and all that we have, we are granted courage, self esteem, self-realization and purpose. We realize that each one of us is a miracle, and that we each serve a unique purpose that no other human being has ever served, or ever will. We are a combination of original talents, skills, and ambitions that make us who we are. We each have the power to put our own unique fingerprint on the world.

Write down a list of 20 things you are grateful for. That will be a good start. Keep this list in a place where you will see it, or at least have access to it everyday. There is an infinite number of things to be grateful for, so you can always add to the list as more occur to you. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t have a list of 100 things to be grateful for in a short period of time. Review this list daily, and add to it often.

As human beings, we need constant daily reminders that this life is a miracle, and that we’ve each been given the greatest gift imaginable just by being born. When we focus on what is missing from our lives we are not able to see the abundance that all of us possess. We have family, friends, lovers and partners. We have a sun to warm us, and a magnificent Earth to plant our feet on, and gravity to keep us from floating off somewhere. We have food to eat, water to drink, animals to give us joy and companionship, plants to give us comfort, shade, and oxygen. We have an unlimited amount of experiences that we can learn and grow from, each of them containing their own unique lesson. Are you starting to get it now?

What am I grateful for?

That’s a great question to ask everyday—and not just once. You can use this question to change your focus in ANY situation. If you find yourself worrying about the future, feeling bad about the past, or just focusing on things that you don’t like about your present, ask yourself “What am I grateful for?” Take a moment, take a deep breath and truly think about it. The answers will start flooding in. When you choose to look at life from the perspective of ultimate gratitude, you remove the blinders of illusion and see your life for the miracle that it is. Now that’s something to be thankful for.

If all else fails, remember that you’re the Michael Phelps of sperm. Picture yourself up on the podium with a gold medal around your little spermy neck while the Star Spangled Banner plays. If they ever decide to put sperm on a box of Wheaties, you’d be a lock.