I'm Welcoming the "End of the World"

   Dear fellow humans and citizens of Earth,


December 21st is almost here, the end is nigh! Have you made your provisions? Have you planned  for the inevitable? The signs are everywhere, they can no longer be denied! If the Orioles winning 93 games and the Redskins making a playoff push aren't proof enough for you--how do you explain the Wizards beating the Lebron James and the Miami Heat!? Go ahead, bury your head in the sand!

Who am I kidding? My wife Meghan won't even take this seriously. With no regard for the impending cataclysm, she's busy buying Christmas gifts, humming Christmas songs, and decorating the house in a festive decor with nary a hint of the apocalypse. I even overheard her making beach plans for the summer of 2013! Yea right, like there's going to be a beach left. Hopefully she won't mind sunbathing in front of the lava flows at the bottom of a 10,000 ft crevasse. I wonder if Banana Boat makes a PF 7000?

Truthfully, I'm pretty pumped for December 21st. If you check your facts, the Mayans didn't predict 12.21.12 would be the end of the world, but the beginning of a new "cycle." There are some pretty cool astrological occurrences that also coincide with this date; some of which only happen every few thousand years. More importantly, this date is a symbol. Not of the end of the world, but the end of the world as we know it, and to quote Michael Stipe, "I feel fine" about that. I think we can all agree the old world could use an overhaul.

In a nutshell, we are about to enter a time where the feminine energy of the world will start to balance with the masculine energy. Don't worry men, you're not about to grow breasts and start menstruating--at least I don't think. It just means that, as human beings, we are going to cultivate the part of ourselves that is more compassionate, more nurturing, more spiritual, and more understanding. As an added bonus, we might even stop drinking out of milk containers and leaving the toilet seat up. Of course giving up football is not an option, but as we've all seen on Facebook, the women have become just as good at insulting your team and your mother as the men. Yet another sign that the Mayans knew what they were talking about. The masculine and feminine energy is balancing before our very eyes.

The planet has been tilted in favor of the male dominated ego for so long that we think of it as normal, but personally, I welcome a shift to the other side. Not all the way mind you, as I would look terrible in heels, but I'd like to see the pendulum settle somewhere in the middle. It's been stuck at 11 o' clock for a long time. It's time to let the women have some fun for a change.

Things rarely change in one day here on Planet Earth, but that's why December 21st is more of a symbol--much like Woodstock was a symbol the the 1960s. The perfect storm of events that took place in the 60s--with war and equal rights being the centerpiece--is not totally unlike what's going on today. I can't remember a time in my life when people were so polarized by politics, religion, and current events. But I see this as growth, not deterioration. The information age has provided us all with different perspectives to life's greatest questions in a nanosecond, and this is changing everything rapidly; faster than any time in history. Old ideologies that used to take generations just to evolve are now changing overnight, as the sharing of ideas and points of view from around the globe chips away at the concrete block of human thought. Finally the light is getting in.

All growth is not without struggle. Humans don't usually embrace change, and the ones who are the most entrenched into the old ways of seeing and doing things will struggle the most. But I've learned from my own experience that hardship can sometimes produce miracles. As I watched my wife during 16 hours of a rough labor I couldn't help but think, "Does it really have to be this painful for her?" I realized that every aspect of life has it's yin and it's yang, and as painful and violent as childbirth can be, there is nothing more beautiful than the birth of that child and holding it for the first time. This is the ultimate symbol of duality, the beginning of life itself.

So think of 12.21 as the birth of something, not the end of something. We may be having a few collective contractions right now, and after the recent election some of you might even be calling for an epidural, but it's time to settle in and get comfy. A new age is about to be born and we're the ones who are going to have to raise it. It's time to treat all humans beings from all over the planet with more love, compassion, and understanding, because we're all in this together. We're each like individual cells in the great human body, and if we don't work together the body will succumb to disease and whither away. It's not about us and them, there's only us.


 Enjoy the holidays everyone! Happy New Year to all of you, and have a Very Merry End of the World!!

You can have "something" from every age

   Have the imagination of a child,
   the possibilities of a teenager,
   the spirit of a 20 something,
   the self discovery of a 30 something,
   the confidence of a 40 something,
   the fortitude of a 50 something,
   the experience of a 60 something,
   the wisdom of a 70 something,
   the reverence of an 80 something,
   the perserverance of a 90 something,
   and the luck of anyone over 100.
 

Why all kids are "home schooled," for better or for worse

     Having two small children, I've seen some debate on whether home schooling is the right thing to do for your child. This is definitely a subject that I don't think there's a Yes or No answer to. There are valid arguments for both sides, but in the end I think it comes down to the teacher--i.e. the parent. If the parent is engaged, dedicated, enthusiastic and completely qualified, then I think home schooling is a great option. I know there are concerns about how the child will progress socially, but there is a growing network of home schoolers that make sure their kids get plenty of interaction with other kids. There seems to be an emerging "hybrid" model that attempts to give the kids the best of both worlds.

     My children won't be home schooled, at least not in the traditional sense; but don't all children get most of their real life education at home? When it comes to the impact that a child's upbringing and values have on their adult life--aren't we all "home schooled" to a significant degree, for better or for worse? What kids learn in school, while valuable and essential, will never have more bearing on their lives than what they learn, witness, and model at home. As parents, we are all teachers, and whenever your kids are in your presence they are being "schooled." As adults we begin to exhibit many of the same characteristics that our parents did--not the characteristics of our 3rd grade teacher Mrs. Applebottom. This is why I think the home school debate completely depends on the individual situation.


     Whether your child is home schooled or not, they will learn much more than academics just by watching you. As parents, we should all put on the teaching cap when it comes to our kids. We are constantly teaching them anyway, whether we are aware of it or not. Providing a healthy model for your kids to follow is the best education they can get, and even if they go to public or private school, the most important teacher of their lives will always be you.

  

What Are You Grateful For?

    I ask that question a lot on Facebook, and I really enjoy the answers I get from all kinds of different people. Sometimes it's really big things like a new baby, a graduation, or a marriage. Other times it's comparatively small things like "another day above ground" or a morning cup of coffee. It really doesn't matter how big or small the thing is, the important thing is being in a state of gratitude. In every moment, we are given the choice of what to focus our attention on. Gratitude unlocks the deadbolt to happiness and puts the joy of living into proper perspective.


   I try to ask myself this same question everyday because it makes me focus on everything that's great with my life instead of everything that's "wrong" with it. We all have flaws, stress, obstacles, and things we'd like to improve about ourselves, but if you focus on everything that you are blessed to have, these other things lose the importance. You'll notice that the level of happiness in human beings is not determined by their race, age, education, or finances--but by there level of gratitude for life itself.

How To Kick Your Addiction

      What's your addiction?

    Is it over eating, drinking, smoking, shopping, gambling, bad relationships, narcotics, prescription drugs, hoarding, sex--or a combination of any of these?


    Maybe you don't consider yourself an addict. Maybe you've only reached the "bad habit" stage of your destructive behavior. But if you've decided on any level that you'd be better off without this behavior, the best way to kick the addiction is to replace it with a healthy habit. You need something positive to refocus your attention, take up your idle time, and counteract the behavior.

 Here are some examples of good habits that can help replace bad habits/addictions:

 Overeating -------> Exercise
 Drinking/Drugs-------> Meditation
 Smoking-------> Running
 Shopping------> Volunteering


 These are just some examples, and please keep in mind that there may be emotional issues at the root of your addiction, but incorporating a good habit can only help when dealing with them.

The Negativity Diet: Shedding Your Brain Fat

   With the presidential election only days away, we've all been subjected to a tidal wave of negative ads, negative news, negative comments on social media, and negative banter between co-workers, friends, and family. It's enough to make you go to bed in a foul mood and have no idea why, then all you have to do is wake up and turn on the TV or log onto Facebook, and there it is, staring at you in the face again. I suspect it will only increase until election day, but it certainly won't go away afterward, so it might just be time for a diet. The Negativity Diet.

   Many of us pay close attention to what we are feeding our bodies, but how much attention do we pay to what we're feeding our minds? Getting sucked into negative discussions, vicious rumors and smear campaigns is like eating at McDonald's for breakfast, lunch, and dinner--and it doesn't just hold true for politics. Engaging in gossip, watching certain reality TV, and reading the tabloids is more mind pollution, or what I call "brain fat," that's poisoning your life and your happiness. The problem is that most of the time you aren't even conscious of it.

  The brain is constantly processing billions of bits of information, sifting through data and making sense of the world around it. We may not realize that when we subject ourselves to an avalanche of negativity that we are gorging our brains on crap, and our moods and our lives will inevitably reflect that. It is always your choice what to feed your brain, and it's easy to tell if it's junk food. If it leaves you feeling drained, sluggish, moody, anxious, or angry for no reason, then you need to put it down or turn it off and start feeding your brain something that will supercharge it. It's easier than you think.

  Here are my personal Top 10 Super Foods to feed your brain:

  1) Meditation or deep breathing
  2) Make a list of what you're grateful for
  3) Read an uplifting or inspiring book
  4) Listen to relaxing music
  5) Go for a walk outside and focus on nature
  6) Turn off the news or talk radio
  7) Exercise, go for a run, or go lift weights
  8) Let go of resentment or mend an old relationship
  9) Tell someone you love them

 ...and #10 is my special bonus "Election 2012" Negativity Diet tip: We've all been inundated with Facebook messages from people who don't share our political beliefs, and because of this a lot of "de-friending" has been going on. If you just find their comments annoying, and not something worth de-friending them for, you can stop their comments from appearing in your news feed. Go to their page and click on the box on the right hand side that says "Friends," just under their cover photo. Then you'll see a check mark next to "show in newsfeed," and all you have to do is uncheck it.
 Simple as that.

  This works particularly well for family members who have differing political views. With Thanksgiving right around the corner, it's really best not to de-friend your own kin. A little newsfeed censorship never hurt anyone, and it will eliminate any awkward moments while taking the coats to put on the bed or passing the cranberry sauce.

  Negativity isn't going to vanish after this election is over, but now is a great time to be conscious of what you're feeding your mind. Is it healthy, pure, inspiring, and energizing? Or is is negative, draining, and corrosive to your well being? If it's not serving you, you can always change it. Sure, it's great to be informed on worldly events, but that doesn't mean you have to be inundated with bad news, which is like feeding trans fat to your brain. Begin the Negativity Diet today, try my TOP 10 super foods, and in no time the brain fat will start melting away.

How Do You Want To Be Remembered?

 During a deep philosophical discussion in my late 20s, a friend once asked me, "Dave, how do you want to be remembered?" I'd never really thought about it before and the question caught me off guard, so there was a slight pause before I answered, "Uhh...I dunno....hopefully a long time from now?" We both had a laugh at my answer, but when I deflected the question back at him, it was clear that he had given it some real thought. I always considered that a question reserved for famous athletes, Hollywood actors, or past presidents, but I started to realize it's something we all deserve to ask ourselves. In fact, maybe we're obligated to ask.

                
                Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for.
                 ~Viktor Frankl


 As human beings, we all yearn for meaning. We want meaning in our work, meaning in our relationships, meaning in our memories, and meaning in our lives. The meaning of each may change and evolve, but the need to attach meaning is constant. It's something we do subconsciously, without even thinking, so we get stuck with our default thoughts and categorizations, and then we immediately begin to accept them as truth. Think how easy it is to believe that work sucks, my relationship is going nowhere, my past is haunting me, and life is a bitch. Are these things really true? Or have we just repeated them in our minds so often that they feel like the truth? It doesn't matter, because whatever the story of your life may be, it is never too late to change it.


   Get out a piece of paper and write down 10 things you'd like to be remembered for. No one has to see this list but you. How would you like to be remembered as a father? A mother? A daughter? A son? An employee? An employer? A husband? A wife? A teacher? A mentor? A caregiver? An example? A companion? An activist? A sports fan? A nature lover? A car buff? A stamp collector?
The list is endless, there are no right or wrong answers, and it will give you more clarity on how you'd like to be remembered, and more importantly, how you'd like to live. You may be shocked to realize what is really important to you, but the list won't lie. If you write it down, there's a reason for it. This is a great tool for digging out what you really care about, when it so easily gets covered up by everyday life.

  When I look back at that guy in his late 20s, I know that I wanted meaning in my life. But now that I'm in my 40s, with a wife and two kids, that desire has only increased. Life no longer seems like an endless road sprawling out before me, but I value each moment much more than ever, and that's a trade off that I'm completely cool with. I've also learned to be proactive and attach the meaning to things that I want them to have, without letting subconscious thoughts or fleeting emotions do it for me. You can't choose all of the events in your life, but how you perceive them and what you do about them is always your choice.

   As  a person who loves to asks questions, a question is like "How Do You Want To Be Remembered?" is just too juicy for me not to ponder. The answer may change and evolve, but I think it's a great question to ask yourself on a regular basis. I know the answer would have been different in my 20s, but if I have to answer today, I'd like to be remembered as someone who helps other people figure out what they'd like to be remembered for.

To Improve every area of your life, remember to S.H.I.F.T.

  If you feel like something is missing from your life or that there's an area that could use come improvement, remember the acronym "S.H.I.F.T." SHIFT represents the  5 main areas of importance in your life: Spirit, Health, Intellect, Freedom, and Teamwork. Take a few minutes and rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 in each area--1 being terrible and 10 being phenomenal. When you're done, you will have a much better idea of what areas to focus on improving to give your life more balance. Keep in mind, you're not comparing yourself to other people, you are only determining how you feel about each area of your own life.

  Here's a brief description of what each of them means to you:

Spirit: your connection to the intangible beauty of life. Your appreciation for art, music, and nature.
Your level of gratitude for all of the good in your life. Your ability to quiet your mind or meditate. Your connection and relationship to a higher power. Spirit can be any or all of these things.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I feel like a _______________


Health: Your body's overall well being. Your level of energy. Your ability to be active and enjoy life physically.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I feel like a _______________


Intellect: Your mental and emotional well being. Your continued interest in learning and challenging your mental faculties. Your desire to experience new things, even if they take you out of your comfort zone.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I feel like a _______________


Freedom: You ability to engage in the activities that you most enjoy. The amount of financial freedom you have to purchase things you want and do the things you'd like to do. Your ability to take  control of your own life and make your own decisions.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I feel like a _______________


Teamwork: Your relationship with your spouse or significant other. Your relationship with your children.Your ability to work with co-workers, employer, or employees. Your relationship with family and friends.


On a scale of 1 to 10, I feel like a _______________


Once you rate yourself honestly you will have a good idea of which areas you're doing well in, and which could use some improvement. The key is that you can never neglect any of them. Give them all the attention they deserve and you will be able to transform your life. We can all use a little SHIFT every once in a while.

Why "Hard Work" Is Way Overrated

I know the title of this one is going to get me in trouble with some people, (especially those that read just the title and not the whole blog) but I’m going to tell you why hard work is way overrated. I can almost hear the backlash now, “Americans are too lazy as it is!” and “Hard work is how I got to where I am!” and “Nothing gets accomplished sitting around on your ass!” Yea, yea—I’ve heard it all before. But I’d like to use the term “hard work” to illustrate why the words we choose are extremely important, and a phrase that has a certain meaning to one person could have the opposite meaning to someone else.

My Dad always told me I had to work hard if I wanted to get anywhere in life. I believe his favorite metaphor for hard work was that you “have to put your nose to the grindstone.” This always sounded painful to me, and I could never figure out how sanding off body parts would lead me to success. My Dad was a hard worker, and worked long days six days a week, and I could probably count on one hand the number of days of work he missed while he was alive. The problem is that my Dad was not anyone that I would consider successful. He wasn’t happy, he wasn’t financially well off, and while this is just my personal opinion, he never really got anywhere in life. So when did all the hard work pay off for him? I would have to say that it never did.


I know that not everyone is like my Dad, and that there are many truly successful people that will swear by hard work. Maybe the reason the term never appealed to me was because my Dad would talk about how important it was, and yet he seemed to be miserable. I loved my Dad, but I’ve always considered his life as a blueprint of what not to do, so there had to be something better than “hard work,” because it clearly did nothing to improve the quality of his life. I never believed that laziness would lead to success, but maybe there was a better term that I could latch onto that would lead me in the right direction. Because of his example, I equated the words “hard work” with struggle, frustration, and hardship. These are not words that should be synonymous for our lives, and if these words are what you’re experiencing most of the time then you definitely aren’t successful—no matter how much money or possessions you have.









For a good part of my life I just thought I was lazy because the words hard work made me cringe. Then I realized it wasn’t action that I despised, it was the meaning I had attached to the words hard work. So I started doing things that inspired me and made me feel excited to be alive. Things that, quite honestly, don’t even feel like work at all, let alone hard work. I soon learned that inspired action is just as effective as hard work, but it’s also more enjoyable, sustainable, and better for your health, wealth, and peace of mind. You might just say it blows hard work out of the water! Think about it: are you better at doing things you love to do, or doing things that you hate to do? Which one can you do more of? Which one makes you happier? Inspired action trumps hard work every time because it feels so natural when we’re doing it. It takes no struggle, it causes no strife--it’s what we were born to do.

One might be tempted to argue that US soldiers in the Afghanistan don’t have the luxury of ignoring hard work, when their days and lives are full of it. But I ask you, what makes a soldier become a soldier? Words like honor and valor and pride and loyalty and dedication and freedom—forgive me if I’m sounding a bit like Jack Nicholson in “A Few Good Men.” My point is that this kind of dedication is the pinnacle of inspired action. Do you think anyone would risk their life to do hard work--just for hard work’s sake!? No, they do it because the believe in what they’re with every fiber of their being, and that sounds a lot more like inspired action than hard work to me.

Finally, you might think this is just semantics and that the meaning we give to words is of little consequence. I’ve got news for you, everything we do, say, or experience has no meaning until we attach a meaning to it. So it is your job to weed out the disempowering things that you’ve been telling yourself and replace them with things that inspire you. The good news is, you might not even have to quit that job that’s been dragging you down. You might just be able to look at it from another perspective, one that makes the work inspirational and exciting--and not so hard.



When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
~Wayne Dyer


If I’ve offended anyone that makes “hard work” their mantra, that is not my intention. If those words work for you and your life, by all means, keep using them to your advantage. But remember, life doesn’t need to be a struggle. There will always be challenges, obstacles, and hurdles that we must overcome—and personally, I like those words much better than struggle, frustration, and hardship. Sometimes changing our attitude, our perspective, or the words we use is all we need to improve our circumstances, and it just takes a little inspired action. Trust me, it’s not hard work.

The Value of Time

“Inner peace isn’t something we choose once, it’s something we choose a thousand times every day.”

~Jill Bolte Taylor


My Grandfather, William Pursell, just turned 105 in February. He was born in 1907, one hundred years after my first son Dylan, who was born in 2007. I find that astounding, and I treasure a picture of Dylan sitting on Grandpa Bill’s lap; two living relatives, born exactly 100 years apart. Amazing. I have never in my wildest dreams thought I might live to 105, and I don’t think Grandpa Bill did either, but somehow the years keep rolling by, and every February he’s still around to blow out the candles on his birthday cake. Incredible.

Imagine the things he has seen in his lifetime: the advent of automobiles and airplanes, WWI and WWII, The Great Depression, Prohibition, women’s right to vote, the end of segregation, the moon landing, the end of communism, the beginning of a new millennium, the internet and the dawn of the information age. Phenomenal. It wouldn’t be hard to argue that he has lived during the most amazing 100 years on Planet Earth, and there’s no guarantee that there will ever be another 100 years like it. Every year around Grandpa Bill’s birthday I have to stop and reflect, and what it makes me think about most is the value of time.

It would be easy to look at him and start thinking that we have all the time in the world, but for every Grandpa Bill there are lots of examples that life doesn’t go on forever. We all know this to be true so I will spare you any depressing illustrations.
The question is, why do we live like we have unlimited time when we have no idea how much time we really have? I know it’s important to work and plan for the future, but don’t we put too much emphasis on the future and not nearly enough on the present moment? Doesn’t it seem like we spend the bulk of our lives preparing for retirement, and when it gets here we don’t know what to do with ourselves? We convince ourselves that we are working for tomorrow, and but aren’t we forgetting to live right now? We’ve all heard these sentiments before, but what kind of value do we actually put on time? Do we value it enough?

Approximately one third of every day you sleep. Therefore, one third of your entire your life is spent sleeping. (Grandpa Bill has been asleep for almost as long as I’ve been alive!) While we shouldn’t consider sleep “wasted time,” obviously we have little or no choice in how we spend it. That leaves us with the other two thirds of our lives. The next third is spent working and/or going to school, and we usually view this time as something we have more control over than sleep—but not complete control. Most Americans treat this time as something they must do for survival—to pay the bills, to make ends meet, put food on the table, etc--and whether it’s enjoyable or not is of little consequence. It becomes our cross to bear, our personal sacrifice, and struggling through it week to week becomes part of our identities. “Thank God It’s Friday!” is our battle cry, until we wake up Monday morning and the process repeats itself. Sound familiar?



The final third of our lives is generally considered our “free time.” This is the time that we have the most freedom and control over to do whatever we please; though many would argue that our “free time” is anything but. There are kids to raise, errands to run, chores to do, and all kinds of other things that require our attention. It’s not hard to feel like you are living your entire life for a few fleeting moments of quiet time on the weekend, or perhaps two measly weeks of summer vacation. But remember something: you chose it, no one else chose it for you, and if you don’t like it—you can always change it. Outside factors might have influenced your decisions, but ultimately they are still your decisions.


If you spend one third of your life asleep and then choose to spend one third working at a job that you can’t stand, chances are you’re going to spend the final third feeling a little lost, frustrated, and unfulfilled. I think that’s much too high a price to pay for your time—which is really your life. Everyone deserves to do something they are passionate about. We are all born with unique interests, talents and gifts—doesn’t it make sense that we should use them at their full capacity? What better way to maximize your time and your life; and to insure that you make your greatest contribution during your short stay here on planet Earth? I’ve always thought that if your occupation wasn’t something you’re completely passionate about, it should at least afford you the opportunity to do something that you LOVE to do—and do it often. If your job is the thing that you love to do, that’s even better.


I know what you’re thinking. “Not everyone can do what they love to do because the world doesn’t work like that!” Do you really think that pursuing your passion would somehow disrupt the delicate balance of this so-called perfect world we live in? Personally, I think the world would work much better if more people did what they love to do. To use a sports analogy, I think we have a lot of quarterbacks out there who have settled on being water boys because they want security. The irony is that the only true security in life is doing what you love to do. If this past economic downturn doesn’t convince of that then nothing will. There’s no job, company, industry, or boss that can guarantee you job security for the rest of your life. Committing to doing something that you love to do is the ultimate security, because even when times are tough, they’re not that tough.

When you wake up in the morning with a sense of dread because you hate your job and the people that work there, life becomes a never-ending struggle to “make it through the day.” When you find yourself in this pattern you aren’t really living, you’re just surviving, and most of your mental energy is spent on figuring out how to eek by—financially, emotionally, and even spiritually. When you’re excited to wake up in the morning because you’re doing what you’re passionate about a whole new world unfolds, and it maximizes your free time, your work time, and even your sleep time, because all three will be much more enjoyable. As Viktor Frankl pointed out, mankind has an intuitive search for meaning in our lives, and doing something that we love to do gives us meaning, value, and purpose.


If you believe that you’re somehow trapped in your job and can’t get out (which most of the time isn’t true, it just seems like a scary proposition to leave), then it is up to you to change the way you view your job. Every job provides a service, and you are compensated for that service according to its value. Therefore, you need to stop viewing your job as an albatross around your neck, and start focusing on the value that it provides to other human beings. When you see it as service, and not as slavery, it might just give you the purpose that you’ve been longing for. As Wayne Dyer says, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Learning to love your job could be as simple as a change in perspective. Think of your job as your own unique contribution and it might just inject some of the passion that’s been missing from your life.


But valuing your time doesn’t just mean doing something you’re passionate about.
It also means enjoying the present moment—or, “the now.” I’ve always been one of those people that is slightly obsessed with the future, but I’ve learned that this robs me of my valuable time. Life can only be lived in the present moment, it can’t be lived in the future or the past, so it’s important to be able to bring yourself into “the now,” even if you have to remind yourself several times a day. This has become my practice, and while it started off as a struggle, I now find it to be a labor of love. Taking three deep breaths, clearing my mind, and focusing on gratitude brings me into the present moment—the only place where life can really be lived.

Other people dwell in the past, and worse yet they tend to dwell on their mistakes, heartaches, and regrets. I feel fortunate not to languish in the past (mostly since I have a mental library of things I could dwell on) because I’ve been able to let most of that go. My work consists of trying not to live in the future, and enjoying each moment as it comes. This doesn’t mean that we don’t have hopes and dreams, or that we don’t set goals. But instead of making the future your main focus, and having the present moment in your peripheral vision—make the present moment your main focus, and keep the future in your periphery. For me, that’s made all the difference; though it’s always a work in progress, and requires my daily attention. As for the past, I see it as having only two useful purposes: to learn from or to remember fondly. Other than that, let it go.






“To end the misery that has afflicted the human condition for thousands of years, you have to start with yourself and take responsibility for you inner state at any given moment. That means NOW.”

~Eckhart Tolle




I’ve had a few epiphanies (or “moments of clarity,” as my AA friends say) during my lifetime, but here is one I had fairly recently on the value of time: I was pushing my then three-year-old son Dylan on a swing at the playground. The weather was warm, the birds were singing, the sky was clear blue and the sun was shining. While I was pushing him and listening to him laugh, my mind drifted off to all of the things that I had to get done that week: calls I had to make, emails I had to send, contracts I had to sign and events I had to get done. Then I asked myself a simple question. “Why do I have to do all of these things?” The answer was simple: So I could spend some precious time with my son, sharing priceless life moments--like pushing him on a swing. Is there anything more important than pushing your child on a swing? I was missing one of the great pleasures of being alive by concerning myself with the petty details of the day.


Another inspiration for this blog is my newborn son Maddox, who is just shy of four weeks old. Truthfully, all of my blogs are for both of my sons so that they have some insight into their old man’s thoughts long after I’m gone. I wish some of my ancestors had blogs so that I had access to what they were thinking at the time, so I view this as my own literary time capsule. Whether future generations of Tieffs conclude that I was off my rocker will be completely up to them. So here’s to 105- year-old Grandpa Bill and 4 week old Maddox--and all of the rest of us in between. You can’t put a value on time because there’s no telling how much you have. Spending the time you have as richly as possible is always the wisest investment. I’ve never met anyone who regretted doing something they loved, or spending time with their loved ones. When it comes to time, there’s simply no way to get more bang for your buck, no matter how much time you have left.

Talking to the Departed

My father was an outdoorsman. He was raised on a farm in New Jersey and he loved to hunt and fish. When I was a kid, after we moved to Maryland, he liked to take long drives to look at nature. He was especially fond of the Black Water Wildlife Refuge in Cambridge. I remember driving around the refuge with him trying to spot Bald Eagles and Blue Herons and other rare birds that you don’t see in the suburbs. I wish I could say that I appreciated it as much as a child as I do today, but maybe the fact that it means more to me now is the real gift.

He was an avid goose hunter, and I went on many a hunting trip with him up until my late teens. As I got older I realized that hunting wasn’t really for me; it was much more about spending time with my dad. What really sticks with me is his love and appreciation for nature, and while it might sound contradictory to some, I know he had a special affection for every animal that he hunted. Whether we were driving around Black Water, walking by the pond at the Lake Forest Mall, or just sitting in his back yard, he was always quick to point out a string of Canadian geese flying overhead. He told me that they made a very unique “key-honk” sound that could be heard from long distances. I never forgot that sound.

My dad passed away in 2007, and with that came the harsh realization that we will never speak again, or at least not in conventional terms. I can’t call him on the phone and he can’t call me. I won’t hear his voice again (except in my head) and I have nothing of him recorded or on videotape. I have some photographs and a few items to remember him by, but he didn’t leave much behind, and that can’t be undone. Shortly after he passed away I took note of the fact that I kept seeing strings
of Canadian geese, and hearing the familiar “key-honk” that reminded me of my dad.
I started to realize that I wasn’t just hearing and seeing Canadian Geese, I was actually communicating with him. Don’t believe me? Hear me out.

Before you think I’ve gone completely insane and I’m now channeling spirits from beyond, I’m not implying that the ghost of Don Tieff decided to possess the body of some unsuspecting goose and is now flying around honking at me. What I mean is this: my fathers love for geese, and nature in general, was impressed upon me when he was alive, and now I carry that piece of him with me; therefore, this is part of him that hasn’t gone away. While this doesn’t describe a normal conversation, or at least a conversation with words, I still believe we are communicating, and just because he’s gone does not make it a one-way conversation. Typical conversations between living human beings are subject to the boundaries of time, space, words, sounds, and expressions—while communicating with someone who has passed on, and whose subsequent energy has taken another form--is not.




It really doesn’t matter what religion or spiritual practice you adhere to, or even if you have no belief in spiritual matters at all, it is a scientific fact that we are all energy, and energy cannot be created or destroyed. When someone’s body dies their energy doesn’t die with it, it just takes on another form. I’m not going to claim that I know exactly what happens to this energy, nor can anyone else, but I do know that it leaves part of itself among the living in our thoughts, feelings, and memories—and these things are no less real than the body that once created them. Just because you can’t grasp this energy with your five senses does not mean it doesn’t exist. Any basic knowledge of protons and neutrons will corroborate that. Thoughts and feelings may exist on an infinitesimal level, but they are still tangible things.


A skeptic might say, “That’s a nice thought Dave, but aren’t you just remembering your father? This is not proof that you are actually communicating with him.” Here is what I mean by communicate: My memories of my father were created by the person that he once was, and now they reside in me as part of the energy that he’s left behind. His body is gone, but I still “speak” to the part of him that never dies, and it speaks back to me. Just because it is nonverbal does not mean we’re not communicating. I converse with the part of him that was left behind in me, and he hears every word I say, even if it’s not out loud. Remember, we are MUCH more than just our physical bodies. What we do and say reaches far beyond ourselves, and lasts long after our bodies are gone.

Whether you are living or deceased, you leave bits of your energy wherever you go (for better or for worse), and this does end postmortem. It is no secret that certain people throughout history had a greater impact on the world posthumously then when they were alive: Vincent Van Gogh, Emily Dickinson, Henry David Thoreau, Galileo, and Edgar Allan Poe just to name a few. They all left much more of themselves after they died, and they continue to do so today.

Here’s another example: Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a lifelong Grateful Dead fan (there’s got to be a pun in there somewhere). I was fortunate enough to see Jerry Garcia dozens of times while he was alive, and I was deeply saddened when he passed away. Lucky for me (and millions of other Dead Heads) Jerry left behind 30+ years worth of music; including recordings of almost every live show the Grateful Dead ever played since the mid 1960s. Not to mention his artwork, DVDs, interviews, writings, and other musical projects. Honestly, if I didn’t know Jerry was dead, I would swear he was still alive! For those of us who didn’t know him personally you can hardly tell the difference. Sure, I miss being able to go see him play every summer, but he left behind so much of himself that it seems foolish to say “He’s Gone.” His music still speaks to me the same way that it always has, the only that’s changed is that I’ve become a more intuitive listener.




I’ve always been comforted by the fact that by being a musician I will leave behind a lot for my family and friends to remember me by, but you don’t have to play music to leave a legacy. With modern technology it’s easier than ever to leave behind writings, videos, photos, poems, art, or any kind of message you can think of.
You can create your own virtual time capsule. I know I would love to have all of these things from my ancestors, but unfortunately I don’t. You can do future generations of your family a huge favor by recording who you are—so they will always know who you were. Who wouldn’t want to read or see a message from an ancestor from long ago? Maybe this is a subtle way to get comfortable with mortality instead of ignoring it, like so many of us in western culture are prone to do until we need to face it.


When I speak of “Talking to the Departed” it is not only the deceased I’m referring to. Have you ever had a conversation with yourself as a child? On a physical level, that child is gone forever and is never coming back. (In fact, the person that you were a week ago is never coming back. Many of those cells have died and have already been replaced by new ones). But that child lives on in your memory and the memories of others, and there will always be a piece of that child living within you—so why not communicate? Tell that child that you’re proud of the person they have become, and while your at it, tell the older You that you will do your best to make life easy for them when you finally meet up. It might sound corny, but I’ve been doing this since I was 10 years old and it’s amazing how the conversations have carried on. Writing them down and keeping a journal can have an even deeper impact.

Don Tieff was also a big car buff, and when he was alive he taught me everything there is to know about cars. Unfortunately, I retained NONE of it, and today my idea of “working on my car” is taking it to Jiffy Lube. My dad and I had many conversations that I wish I had paid more attention to, but now that he’s gone, I listen when he speaks. You may scoff at the idea that a honking goose is my dad’s way of telling me to slow down, appreciate what you have, and don’t make the same mistakes I did—but that’s what I hear every time. I know that’s what it meant to him, and the seed that he planted many years ago has now turned into a principal that I aspire to live by. If that’s not REAL communication then I don’t know what is. I’ll take words that speak to my soul over cocktail party jabber every time.









Maybe we should put less emphasis on the mundane word conversations that we have every day, and more emphasis on the non-verbal communication between animals, nature, life, or a departed loved one. I’m not saying that daily communication isn’t important, but I think we’ve been focusing on the waves and ignoring the ocean. There’s an entire realm of communication that we tend to ignore because we can’t see it or hear it; that is, unless we shut up long enough and pay attention. How much is said by one sunset? A child’s laughter? A babbling brook? A breeze through the trees? Laugh if you want, but I’m going to keep listening to my dad every time I hear a string of geese honking overhead. In fact, I think I hear one now. He must be telling me it’s time to get my oil changed.

The S.H.I.F.T. Rule

Have you ever felt like something was wrong or missing from your life and you just couldn’t put your finger on it? Have you ever had a gnawing feeling in your gut that something was amiss, but if someone asked you to verbalize it you wouldn’t know how to begin to describe it? I know this feeling well, and for me it is was the root cause of my addiction to food, cigarettes, alcohol, and drugs. I wanted something to cover up that feeling, and all of the above methods worked—temporarily. Then, when I wasn’t eating, smoking, drinking, or drugging--the gnawing feeling would come back with a vengeance, until I felt the need to indulge myself and quell the feeling once more. It was a vicious cycle. But you don’t have to be an addict to know this feeling on some level. We’ve all felt this at some point in our lives.

Because my habits and behaviors were leading me down a particularly dangerous path I felt it was my responsibility to turn things around. After all, If I didn’t do it, who would? I learned, as the old saying goes, that we are creatures of habit, and that our habits are the building blocks of our life experience. Needless to say, I had a host of bad habits that were leading me in the wrong direction, and I really had no idea how to stop them. It seemed like the more I focused on wanting to stop, the more daunting they became—and that was the key. The more I focused on my problems, the less I was focused on the solutions. If I could just figure out a way to flip the script I might actually start getting somewhere.


"Our habits make wonderful servants--but terrible masters."


Now that I was motivated enough to do some inner work, I started reading books by (and about) people that I admired. I seemed to gravitate toward the people that I felt were well rounded and had achieved some level of success in multiple areas of their lives. I didn’t really resonate with people who I thought were two singularly focused. For example, I bought a book by Donald Trump because, after all, who would know more about money and finance then “the Donald?” There was some worthwhile information, but when he said things like “you have to crush your enemies!” I realized we weren’t talking the same language. I like making money, but mostly when it’s to the benefit, and not the expense, of other people. I have nothing against Donald Trump, and I’m sure I could learn a thing or two from him about business, but he’s not someone I’d like to completely model my life after.



The more I read by certain authors the more enthusiastic I became, and I noticed some intriguing similarities. Some of these books were written by current authors like Jack Canfield, Stephen Covey, Tony Robbins, Marc Allen, and Michael Beckwith—just to name a few. But I found that their writing and mindset had much in common with historical figures like Benjamin Franklin, Ralph Waldo Emerson, James Allen, Abraham Lincoln, etc etc. The more I read, the more I noticed an emphasis on five areas of life starting to emerge. These areas were sometimes called by different names, but the references were unmistakable. Eventually I put a name to the 5 Main Areas of Life that all of these great teachers were referring to:

Spirit, Health, Intellect, Finance, and Teamwork.

That’s how I started “The S.H.I.F.T. Rule.” The acronym was easy to remember, so I knew that would make it easier for me to implement in my own life. By taking a personal inventory of these 5 areas and then having a daily intention to improve them, even if the improvement was slight, I knew this would lead me in the direction I wanted to go. It was like finally finding a road map for my life, when I had been driving in circles for years.

Isn’t this the biggest problem for most people? We don’t know why we’re here, what we want, or how to get to where we want to go. We get up every morning with a vague intention of “making it through the day” and hoping we don’t have any major catastrophes. Our purpose isn’t really about living--it’s about surviving; but as soon as we create goals for ourselves in these 5 areas and do something every day to improve them—all of that changes. I finally felt like I was LIVING. The cool thing is that The SHIFT Rule doesn’t only work if you’re an addict, it can work for anyone that finds it useful. If you believe that committing to incremental improvement will improve the 5 most important areas of your life—give it a shot. If you believe in another way, then by all means, try that first. The SHIFT Rule will always be here if you need it. There have been times when I find myself straying from the practice, but usually the best way for me to get back on track is to start right up again.


How does The SHIFT Rule work?


The first step is to think about each area of SHIFT (Spirit, Health, Intellect, Finance and Teamwork), and ask yourself honestly “How am I doing in each area?” The key is not to compare yourself to others, but to ask yourself honestly, on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being very poor, and 10 being perfect) “How would I rate myself in each area?” Once you come up with that answer, the next logical question is “How can I immediately improve that area, even if it’s by only one number?” (For example: if you’re feeling like a 5 about your Finances, how can you make them a 6?) You might want to start with the areas that you score the lowest in to give yourself a better sense of balance. Like I said, I know plenty of people who excel in one area, but sometimes this causes neglect in the other areas.


For example, we all know of people who make a lot of money, but in the pursuit of money they may neglect their health, their families, or their spiritual lives. On the flip side, there are lots of so-called “spiritual” people out there who let their finances go because they don’t equate money with being spiritual. I don’t see the logic in this, when a better financial position can provide you with more personal freedom, more time to meditate or pray, and more time to appreciate nature, music and art with greater peace of mind. While I don’t believe Finance is the most important area of the SHIFT Rule, it is the one area that can greatly improve all other areas, so it should not be ignored.


NOTE: If you're having a problem in your life you can bet that it's coming from one of the areas of SHIFT. So it's not only a great way to set goals, but it's good to keep these areas in mind when you're trying to identify what's really bugging you.

In my next series of blogs I will go over each area of the SHIFT Rule individually, and talk about some easy ways to set goals and improve each area. For me, success is measured by how much FREEDOM and GRATIFICATION I have in each area, and not by how much STUFF I have. Again, as an example, I like to run long distance races. I could be training for multiple races to improve my health and to have a sense of accomplishment, but if this is taking away from my highly valued family time and free time—it ain’t gonna work!! I want to have freedom in each area, but the ultimate goal is to have as much harmony and balance as possible, so ALL FIVE areas deserve attention and constant maintenance.

Don’t freak out, it’s not as hard as it sounds. It’s just a matter of creating some small goals and then building on them. This is how all progress is made. A commitment to doing small things everyday in order to improve yourself will beat out doing one large thing on a whim....EVERY TIME. It’s the old story of the tortoise and the hare--slow and steady wins the race. I will be back soon with a full blog dedicated to SPIRIT. This was the most important area for me, and the toughest to figure out, but once I “got it” the changes were immeasurable. I don’t have all the answers, but hopefully I have an insight or two that I can share that might have some value for you.

****In closing I'd like to add that nothing I say is inherently true or false, right or wrong. It's just my perspective and my experience. The best guide for doing what's right for you is your own common sense. Please apply anything in The SHIFT Rule that might be useful in your own life, and feel free to discard the rest.